How do you calm down someone with dementia?

Does anyone else get tired of being the "punching bag”?

It’s like you have committed to absorb all the bumps and not supposed to let it bother you. We are human too!

When they are throwing things or grabbing you and leaving bruises the disease has taken that part of them that they cannot tell you what is bothering them.

Calming down someone with dementia is complicated but if you take the time to understand and use common sense, things make sense most of the time.

Knowledge is empowering with this dreadful disease, here are a few things you can do to calm down the person.

How do you calm down someone with dementia?

Figure out what is making your love one aggressive

Does your love one miss someone, want to go home to a childhood home.... or does he/she feel hungry, thirty, constipated etc?

You can start by asking your love one how old he/she is? Try to look for triggers that aggravate and avoid them, but also look for triggers that soothe and try to bring them into practice when you notice the aggression starting.

You cannot change their behavior. You can only change yours and adapt. You have to remember they have regressed and you have to be patient as they are frustrated and often scared too

Take a walk

Walked out of the room and take a couple of deep breaths and, sometimes it is good to give your love one some space, not crowding them during these episodes. Returned to the room, and you will be surprise for your love one will be like, “what happened here?”

Play the person's favorite music

Music definitely helps especially music that they liked when they were younger. A piece of music can evoke pleasure from the past that will transform a patient’s mood even when he/she is totally hostile.

You need to find out what kind of music calms your love one, for example classical music calms some seniors and to other Christian music. The part of the brain that comprehends music is the last to go.

Also you can learn about the Alive Inside music program that is helping many who struggle with this disease.

Agree with everything your love one say

According to the Montessori Alzheimer’s Project, there is a reason your love one is aggressive which is usually based on seeking some kind of safety in his/her increasingly groundless experience.

As your love ones perceptions are become less trustworthy for him/her, anger is not an unreasonable response. So, first connect without arguing his/her perception.

Don't insist that your perception is right and your love one’s isn't. Be on your love ones side, agree with everything they say, knowing that they won't remember the conversation tomorrow.

White lies are OK when it helps the situation. Their minds are not the same anymore. The goal is to help your love one trust your presence as a safe reference point.

Use an indirect approach

With some people you need to take a more indirect approach if they’re physically aggressive you need to keep your distance and give simple instructions not to confuse or agitate.

Maybe let them sit down or wait a little longer to get that bath for example...If they don’t feel hungry put it aside for a little later unfortunately some dementia patients revert to a toddler like stage where they have tantrums they get confused and don’t know why they’re getting confused or they realize that they forgotten something it frustrates them as much as it frustrate you their moods change and it becomes difficult to control.

If it gets to the point where it becomes dangerous for you it may be time to seek help whether it’s to put them in a home for their own safety and yours or to seek help from family members who may work better with them idly enough it seems like those who are more involved sometimes are the ones who take the brunt of their aggressiveness.

Watch your body

They feed off of you almost have to become a zombie, watch your body language and voice tone, keep calm they will calm down, this is so true!! I’ve learned that laughter and smiles are the best medicine.

Redirect his/her attention

Redirect your love ones attention to something else. Switch the brain focus on something different like offer food or drink and offer to do something they like coloring, baby doll, folding face clothe, Chamomile tea, warm milk etc. Candy or a treat they really enjoy can be helpful!!

Create a Comfort zone 

My realization is our family house is a place my love one is familiar with. It is where my love one has fun memories. To uproot him is to deprive him of a few things his fast fading memory could still remember. Sort out where your love one finds to be comfortable and let him/she spend more time there.

Prioritize safety

Safety…your love one and yours...first and foremost. In case of an emergency, where you’ve tried all calming methods to no avail, call the emergency service in your location. It is advisable to always have this number handy in case an unfortunate situation shows up.

Join a support group

There are lots of caregivers support groups you can join and share your experiences with like-minded caregivers. You can share your experiences, ask question and most importantly receive support for the great effort you are putting in.

Here is great video from Teepa Snow an expert dementia educator.

Calming activities for dementia patients

Aromatherapy 

Twiddle muffs or a soft textured cloth, perhaps with lavender oil on it, it’s certainly worth experimenting with smells and sounds they like if other forms of communication like sight and hearing are getting weaker.

Give him/her a puzzle to put together

What you do is you find simple 20 piece or low number piece puzzles. Pull it out and put it together in front of your love one, a few times jenga works to. 

Or you can get those log cabin type toys they look like miniature logs that you build a small house with.

Whatever you get, do it in front of your love one, eventually ask your love one to hold the pieces then eventually ask him/her to put their piece over your piece get your love one into playing gradually.

3 calming tips that have worked magic for me

1. Tell him/she they are right. There is no point in arguing. Don’t worry about being right, because it doesn't matter. Opt for peace instead. 
2. I used to turn the radio on in the next room. Grand dad would have to get up to turn it down or off, and would be distracted from yelling.
3. I would leave my room and tell grand dad that I could see he didn’t want my company so I would be nearby when he wanted to have a nice visit/chat. Understand that your loved ones dementia does not make it okay for them to treat you in an ugly way. Just leave the room and let them be miserable until they are done and can be nice.

Causes of agitated behaviors 

Some frequent causes of agitated behaviors are outlined

Health issues

• Is the person having a fatigue?
• Is the person having sleep deprivation disrupting their sleep pattern? 
• Is your person feeling Physical pains, hunger, thirst, feverish, having an illness or constipation? etc. 
• As a result of physical changes in the brain, does the person one Loss of control over behaviors.
• Is the person having adverse side effects as a result of the medication they are taking? 
• Does the person misinterpret sight and sounds?
• Is the person one Hallucinations?

Environment factors 

• They gradually lose their sense of what is going on around them. 
• They can't keep track of things and so they get worried, anxious, upset. It makes sense that if they are surrounded by things they don't understand -- noises, people,overcrowding etc.

Poor communication 

• Asking too many questions.
• Given complex and not easy to understand instructions.
• Being rude and verbally abusive. 

Other factor

• Not being independent that is enough to bring on aggressiveness and that's where your love one needs you most. Wouldn't you be angry and hate the world if you lost your independence?
• Is the person’s perceptions becoming less trustworthy he/she?
• They don’t remember where they are at times and forget other things therefore they are afraid. This causes anxiety. 
• They don’t know what is happening to them. 

What drugs are used to calm dementia patients?

Aggression requires medication management it could be anxiety or it could be a new phase. 

Medications are crucial for this but first you need to know the type of dementia/ be careful with any meds/ supplements. Talk to a good doctor and stay safe. 

Note: Medications make some patients feel crappy... it's up to you to investigate and its hard work. Some prescribe medications will make some patients very sleepy or groggy and will not help with having BM's and eating, many of those meds suppress appetite and can cause constipation, not to mention can become habit forming in some patients. Try or use holistic medicine

Don't be afraid of drugs -- they can be a huge help to the Alzheimer’s person and to the family.

IT is a "CASE by CASE basis”! What works for one person/doesn’t work for another/some people are quiet types, others are more agitated.

There are tablets your love one can take to calm them down see his/her doctor to get the right prescriptions. Please this is very important don't buy drugs based on assumptions or what you've heard they can do. 

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Also Read: False-Hope Alzheimer’s Disease Drugs